Truth

I have definitely been going through a good bout of burnout.  I am tired.  Living here is hard.  There are times when I just want to go for a walk and not feel like an outsider.  I want to be able to lay on grass and not be thinking about who's around me.  I want to have moments of quietness.  I want to see nature instead of concrete.  


I have been wrestling with God lately about what it means to cast my cares upon him, to carry his burden that is easy and light.  I don't do this well.  The burden seems heavy and harder than I can take.  I get angry, mad, frustrated. And then I realize, it's because I'm trying to hold it all myself.  I like to fix things.  I like to think I can handle whatever comes my way, that I can take it, that I can control it. 


But then the truth comes knocking quietly at my heart.  He never rushes in, never yells or shouts.  He just waits until I am ready to hear him.  Through the voice of a friend who says "You are strong." Or through a verse that says, "Cast your cares on him" and "Do not grow weary of doing good." Or the Spirit who says, "Give it to me. I am with you."  He always waits until I am ready to hear.  My prayer is that I will be more quick to listen.